Bullying at school is a difficult and often very stressful issue for children and parents alike. Studies show that around 1.5 million pupils in Germany are regularly involved in bullying situations. And bullying doesn't just start at secondary school - it can occur as early as elementary school. Many children don't talk about it for a long time. Parents often have no idea that their own child is affected, either as a victim or as a perpetrator. This article shows what constitutes bullying, how it affects children and how parents can support and guide their children.
 

What lies behind bullying
 

Bullying describes systematic and repeated behavior in which a person is deliberately ostracized, hurt or devalued. It often develops insidiously in groups where there are insecurities, unspoken conflicts or an imbalance of power. This creates clear roles between the perpetrator and the victim. Children and young people often bully in order to feel stronger, to belong or to cover up their own insecurities. Others are targeted because they are perceived as "different" or are seen as an easy target.

For the children affected, bullying feels like being permanently at the mercy of others. It manifests itself not only in open attacks such as verbal abuse or physical violence, but also in quieter, less recognizable forms: Exclusion, ignoring, deliberate exclusion or hurtful messages in the digital space. These actions are repeated over a long period of time and are always accompanied by an imbalance of power that makes it difficult for those affected to defend themselves.
 

When children suffer in silence or stand out loudly
 

Many children who are affected by bullying do not speak openly about it. Out of shame, fear or a desire not to burden anyone, they often try to deal with the situation on their own. The experience is therefore often reflected in their behavior.

Possible signs that a child is affected by bullying:

• Frequent stomach aches or headaches with no apparent cause
• Sleeping problems or nightmares
• the desire to stop going to school or the club
• Withdrawal, sadness or severe mood swings
• Changes in eating behavior
• Loss of friendships or social isolation

It is therefore particularly important for parents to remain vigilant and take changes seriously.

However, children who bully others are also sending out signals. This behavior often arises from their own insecurities or excessive demands - and is not a sign of parental failure.

Possible signs that a child is bullying themselves:

• derogatory or disrespectful language towards others
• conspicuous behavior in groups or in digital space
• Little empathy for the feelings of others
• Problems with rules or authority
• conspicuous aggression or frequent outbursts of anger
• Strong need for control or dominance
   

Giving support when things get difficult
 

If parents suspect that their child is being bullied or that the child is opening up on their own, it is particularly important to listen calmly. Without pressure, without judgment. At this moment, children need security, the feeling of being taken seriously and the certainty that they are not alone. Reproaches or accusations can lead to the child closing up again.

What affected children need:

• patient and attentive listening
• a clear message: you are not to blame
• emotional security and reliability
• Support instead of judgment
• Time and space to express feelings
• Strengthening self-esteem through positive experiences

It can be helpful to explain to the child that bullying has nothing to do with their personality, appearance or behavior. Bullying arises from group dynamics and insecurities - not because there is something "wrong" with the child. Joint positive activities can help to rebuild the child's self-confidence step by step.

At the same time, it is important to remain attentive even if your child bullies others. These children also need support and guidance.

What children who bully others need:

• Clear boundaries and responsibility for their behavior
• Conversations about feelings, conflicts and empathy
• Support in building social skills
• Role models for respectful behavior
• Help in dealing with their own insecurities in a different way
   

Finding support and taking action
 

Bullying doesn't just affect children. Parents also often feel helpless, insecure or overwhelmed in such situations. Many wonder whether they are reacting correctly, whether they are protecting their child sufficiently or whether they have overlooked something. This uncertainty is understandable - regardless of whether their own child is affected by bullying or is hurting other children themselves.

The important thing is that parents don't have to go down this path alone. Depending on the situation, there are different points of contact that can provide support. If bullying takes place at school, class teachers or the school management are the first people to contact. Parent representatives, school social workers or school psychologists can also help to assess the situation and find solutions together. In addition, external counseling centers such as the Kinderschutzbund, Nummer gegen Kummer or JugendNotmail offer professional and independent support for parents and children.

Sometimes, however, a conversation in a protected environment is enough to gain orientation and regain confidence in dealing with the situation. This is exactly where the benefit at work counseling service comes in. Parents receive confidential, professional support - be it to clarify their own concerns, to prepare for discussions with the child or with the school or to assess the next sensible steps. Accepting help is not a sign of weakness, but an important step towards giving your child support and taking the pressure off yourself.